And so the agony continues but being born in this century where we are well connected to the internet, I did a research on why men suddenly get so distant.
WHAM BAM! Answers everywhere!
The best one was from this website which says that
“In the first few months of a new romance, your brain and that of your love interest release a euphoric chemical cocktail that makes you both feel invincible. The term “madly in love” isn’t far off – the brains of people newly in love look just like the brains of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Which is partially why you’re so obsessed with each other.”
BINGO!
“One of the chemicals of your Brain Love Cocktail is called Dopamine, and its effects are much like an opiate – you know, like HEROIN. You feel so alive, and so exuberant, and so HIGH, that you truly don’t need to eat or sleep. It’s absolute bliss. It’s like having chocolate, and margaritas, and shortbread cookies, all at once. Not only that, but your man becomes hormonally just like you.
Suddenly, all he wants to do is talk about his feelings, and connect emotionally, and snuggle with you all the time.”
So true! And as a woman, who wouldn’t feel blissfully happy? This is probably the honeymoon period.
“This combination of factors (not to mention the fact that you’re both on your “best behavior” for a while, always dressing just right, and being extra polite to each other) makes you feel so good together. It’s like living in heaven right here on earth. You’re just sure you’ll feel this way for forever.
But then a little something happens at about the four to six month point. The dopamine stops being released in both of your brains and suddenly the man becomes hormonally like, well… a man!”
Anyway, truth be told, I finally made the call to confront him which he keeps avoiding ( trying to talk to him when he is watching tv is well… frustrating ). I tried my best to let him know that I was feeling upset about him getting distance. Then he got defensive and said I am accusing him.
Haiz, yup, men aren’t wired to see things from women’s perspective. Women keep wanting to connect emotionally which causes men to feel suffocated – this is what I gathered from all the information from the web. Which is why men get withdrawn and freaked out when women try to share their feelings.
Well, according to a article
“… when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is. And therefore they can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.”
And yes, he told me nothing changed. He said he did not change at all.
Finally according to him, he wants his freedom to do things on his own. ( which maybe I really freaked him out by sharing my feelings and hurts )
From what I see, from the beginning until now, 95% of the time, he initiated the going out, dinners etc with me. The only few time I asked him to go out was one with our group of friends for a dinner, 2 family dinners ( recently, of which he has to overtime and did not turn up ) and once to go with me to Sim Lim to buy stuff ( which he says he do not want – recently )
So how is it that I am the one restricting his freedom? All the while, he still goes for his outings with friends to drink wine, look at audio equipment, just to mention a few. When did I stop him from hanging out with his friends?
More on the male thinking :
“The truth is that lots of men have no idea how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship…and they honestly don’t have much practice at it either.
So, when a great woman comes along that he could have an amazing time with and get close to And, she starts noticing that he has some emotional shortcomings that he doesn’t have all the answers for, or experience with…Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way), she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.”
Hence resulting in the slow death to a relationship…
So what am I to do now?… I really do not know.
Today’s his messages reduced to just an afternoon greeting and whether I had lunch. ( usually there will be a good night )
