A hidden manifestation of an ugly side that you keep ( See Jungian psychology : the shadow or “shadow aspect” is a part of the unconscious mind consisting of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings, and instincts )… I wonder who is my shadow?

Perhaps my friends may get to catch a glimpse of this shadow of mine. Can you see yours?

photo credit: bgottsab

I wonder if my shadow ever hurt anyone. Perhaps I did unknowingly. A once close friend of mine suddenly overnight became cold towards me… perhaps I did something to her unknowingly? Or perhaps she perceived an action of mine to be hurtful to her? I will never find out because I lacked the courage to ask her back then. I was young perhaps and I did not know how to approach her to ask her why. This caused me to lose a close friend Even until this day, I wished and hoped that I meet her on the street as I lost her contact number …

Sometimes I do see a familiar back that looked very much like her and I wanted so much to see that it was her so that I can say hello and perhaps right the misunderstanding and renew the friendship. Cowardice caused me a good friend and I never wanted to repeat that again.

Perhaps this is the doing of my shadow? Or is this just a poor excuse to our bad behaviour?

Maybe this shadow of mine caused my relationship to breakdown? Is it me?

I hate that I missed him. Every where in the house (even my pc), there is reminder of him. I don’t even go to my market now as it reminds me too much of how we go for desserts and food. His final text to me was that he know he has hurt me and he was sorry. He does not even have the decency to say sorry in person to me. Even until today I wondered why he did it. No closure for me. I feel disgusted with him at times for destroying us… destroying the friendship we originally had and then now the friends I have. I feel so left out when they go for nitrox diving lesson… nobody had asked me. Yet again everyone still good with him, I feel so betrayed. Should I cut all my common friends with him? Poor friends who got caught in the middle, don’t want to take sides. But seems to me, by expressing not wanting to take sides, they condoned what he has done? I feel sooo sad…if I had such a guy friend who did this to a girlfriend of mine, I will avoid hanging out with him. But again this is me… i have no right to judge anyone… so the whole incident just made me feel sadder. Guess what I missed my niece too but I am still hesistent to go visit her as the unavoidable question my parents will still ask me about him and what happened etc… and guess what? I don’t have an answer myself…. and I know I will get emotional…

I really don’t know how to behave with him anymore. How can I be nice to him after he done all those things? How? Will he be nice to his ex who cheated on him?

Is this my present shadow? Or am I wrong to think this way? Perhaps I am the mean, spiteful, revengeful shadow now… or perhaps the sad, victim mode shadow? Which is my shadow and which is the real me? I know he tried to be nice to me… but why? Guilty conscience? Still have feelings? I will never know. But for now, if he does not contact me, I am not going to contact him. If he wants to have anything to do with me, he has to take the initiative.

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
- Robert Frost

yup… Robert is so darn right…

Anyway, I lost weight again… good news? Another 4 more kg and I hit my target weight! Hoping now to be able to restart my yoga regime soon…

Tan Kuan Sheng – thanks for all the “memories” for the past few months – my boyfriend of 5 months who was the love of my life especially during the last month which I felt this relationship is what I wanted. I still feel confused as I recount all that you have done for me, how loving you are to me and the wonderful things that happened, the happiness we felt and yet you can just give up on our relationship as if it is worthless in such a short time…. why?

Now I really felt used. You had your fun and bye bye. After 3 long years of recovering from my past relationship, I am back to square one. I believed that you loved me with all your heart back then and I opened my heart and soul to you. Without even an attempt to work things out with me, you given me the worst reasons ever to break up – “I don’t want to waste your time in case this relationship did not work out.” A better reason would be a third party. In fact, a few common friends told me he told them different reasons. “Different point of views” “Different lifestyles” “Age gap” “My parents don’t like him” – we never fought during the first 5 months and we were very very loving, I really don’t get all the reasons – we had similar point of views, we like similar things, you said you did not mind the age gap and my parents was nice to him during the dinner and in fact repeatedly asked him to join for family dinners but of which you chose not to join.

After 5 months together, you passionately declared you loved me blah blah blah and spending every weekend with me at my house, and all of a sudden, you start distancing yourself from me. Then stop holding my hands. Then never even bother to buy me a birthday present on my birthday????? Or spend valentine’s day with me????? IT REALLY FEELS BAD AND AWFUL. 3 months… I feel that if I had not confront you that day, you probably would have just drag me on this way until when??? When I confronted you, you even asked you want to go home first and you will message me about this instead. It really feels terrible when you said that to me. At the end of the day, you kept saying it’s your fault but never for once you said sorry to me.

You probably got cold feet about us as we were getting too intimate BUT I am guessing you are clueless and in fact have no idea why, which is why you are giving me all the stupid reasons. I feel so sad that you are running away from this when we could have worked things out…. in fact I feel extremely unfair to me!

Worst now is that we have common friends and you had to appear at every one of the gathering as if you don’t have other friends. CAN YOU GO BACK TO YOUR OWN FRIENDS? STOP hanging out with my friends and act as if nothing happen. You did not even tell your other friends? WHY? EVEN FACEBOOK, you did not remove our relationship status. Are you expecting me to do so when you are the one who wants to break up just because the relationship might not work out and you are trying not to waste my time? — Well, he finally did remove the relationship status – he probably felt less guilty now

Now I have to think whether I want to go for any trip cos you have to join, even though it is an all ladies trip, you had to join. Well, it feels crap!

It feels really AWFUL WHEN ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TALKING TO YOU AND YOU TRAVELLING ALONG WITH THEM WITHOUT ME. HOW’s that supposed to make me feel? You going on a dive trip with a girlfriend of mine? Always sitting next to all the other friends except me on the dive trip? Those who did not know why, will feel funny why we are a couple on facebook and yet we are like that???

Bali trip was a stupid idea. I just remembered from friends that unmarried couples should never go bali, as superstition has it that when they come back, they will break up. YUP…

I ended up not going to the jogging as I was feeling really sad when everyone else is celebrating valentine’s day with their bf or hubby, receiving gifts of love and appreciation. I feel fearful that what if I went jogging with him and he breaks up with me on Valentine’s Day? That will be cruel and probably destroy me. My first valentine day had to end this way, and I was still hoping for a bouquet or even one stalk of rose & a nice dinner with him.

Relationships cannot be just perfect without problems or setbacks. Real adult relationship is about two whole individuals who realised that they have feelings for each other ( due to some spark or wondrous chemistry ) and come together as a couple (truly it is not easy to find someone you love in the first place!).

There is much work to be done for two completely different individuals to come together. I believe there is no couple in this entire world ( actual real couple ) who does not have conflicts, misunderstandings, problems as we must remember each and everyone of us come from different backgrounds. Relationships that last to the end are maintained by each by sharing, communicating to each other and learning from each experience. This way the relationship can grow and flourish.

I am no relationship expert but the recent events had me do alot of research online. I really learnt alot about men and women. And it seems that many problems that occur boils down to miscommunication. Especially those married couples whereby they kept problems to themselves without communicating correctly to each other, causing drift and eventual divorce at the end of the day.

Like for example often a woman gets upset and cries. She probably just need her man to go comfort her, hug her and says it’s ok. That’s it, actually.

Men often take things very personally and he may miscontrue that the woman is blaming him. Then men will tend to want to leave the woman alone to let her cool down… this is in their mind the right thing to do. It works for men but not for women. To women, they just want to share their emotion with the man she cared about in order to feel connected when he listened to her and comfort her. She feels loved and connected emotionally this way. If she is left upset alone, she feels deserted and unloved. Thus some relationship experts recommend that men listen to women with empathy and do not take her outburst personally as it was never meant to blame him.

Maybe I did not communicate that to him when I was upset and all I needed for him was to come to hold me and tell me it’s ok. I realized that I am really clueless when it comes to how to communicate to men properly. Plus maybe he is also clueless as to why I behaved as such.

Thus the longer we do not communicate our feelings and what’s happening, the more misunderstandings will occur and accumulate. It will just escalate the problems, feelings etc. until a point when there will be a meltdown.

I feel so sad that he avoided talking to me for so long. I really just wanna find out what’s wrong with us and to see if we can work things out. Or maybe he is confused as to what he is feeling too? But just that he cannot put them into words?

I thought about everything that happened. He showed me love and care in the first 4 months which is beautiful and most touching. He shared his dreams with me, he told me everything about himself. He touched my heart and made me able to love again. There was so many things he has done for me. Absolutely no doubt of how he loved and cherished me. I felt so lucky and blessed. Dare I say? I felt blissfully happy because of his love and attention. All of my friends can see that glow in me.

Everything was going well but suddenly I can feel he started to distance himself slowly. Then there is the time that me being upset due to the fact of several incidents accumulated within me (I should have talked to him there and then during each incident instead of keeping all inside of me – this led to the built up of the upset outburst ). When I got so upset that it also upset him and probably made him feel that he did something wrong. Perhaps he was shocked and triggered into even more distance. And this type of situation just spiraled with each miscommunication and got worse – he stopped holding hands with me when out with me and then recently stopped going out on dates with me. We never had a chance to properly talk to each other heart to heart. He avoided and I also avoided talking in the beginning when I felt something was not right, as I was thinking that it will pass. My mistake.

Seriously as in any relationship, there is bound to be some conflicts and unhappiness. Ask any couple.

So far whatever happened in this relationship, things that I am unhappy or he is unhappy is just part and parcel of a relationship that can be resolved through better communication. As far as I see it, I feel that both of us has the responsibility to make the relationship to work. A relationship that has problems is never due to one person but both… whether it can survive the test of time is how the couple handles it together.

I have asked him twice recently on what happened but he always tell me nothing is wrong.

Perhaps he feels insecure about the relationship? Or he has cold feet? His past relationship with his ex probably affected him so much that now he is afraid to lose his friends should this relationship fail? Maybe he suddenly realized that he has put too much into this relationship and he wanted to put a brake to it by starting to spend less time with me and spends more time with friends so that he is ensured of a safety net should this relationship fail? Maybe he realized that I am not good enough for him? Or maybe his parents disapproved of me but he dared not tell me? Maybe he himself also do not know what happened? Or someone told him that I am not good for him? A BIG FAT WHY???? Only he knows.

I really hoped he will talk to me what happened face to face, so that we can see if we can work on the relationship. But of course, there is no point in dragging on if in reality he does not love me anymore or he already has someone else. If he really does not love me anymore, then this change in his feelings for me is truly too fast for me to fathom.

So far he hasn’t text me or call me yet since I missed the jogging session. Maybe I should have gone to see what he wanted to say to me. Sigh…

Recent events in my love life has gotten worse. The state of confusion is driving me crazy. I thought maybe I have done something wrong? Did I do something to hurt him or did I say something to change him? One moment he made me feel like the love of his life and the next, I was like a ordinary friend.

It has come to a point where he does not even ask me to go out to spend time alone anymore after my birthday ( I did not even get a birthday present ). Although weirdly enough he still text me daily to say good morning, what did I eat etc. But he did not shared much of what he did. Even if I asked.

It hurts. Last two weeks even though I can find my own activities with friends, it hurts to know that your boyfriend do not even care enough to want to go out any more. I still remembered at the start of my relationship, he told me that I was the one and we can never be apart anymore… good grief it’s only been like 4 months and he changed so much.

Previously two weeks he never went out with me alone. Weekends he chose to organise friends gathering and practically jumped at the chance to go out the friends. I love common friends gathering too, but the weird part was last time, he will ask me to come out prior to the meetup with friends to walk walk first as usually it will be a dinner or high tea gathering. Another weird thing is that he just says ok he can go for gathering over the group chat. I did not reply to the group chat to say I am going or not. Privately he did not even ask if I am going. Similarly for a gathering to support two friends who is going for their diving pool session. He did not even ask if I am going.

Do you think it is weird? Is this a behaviour of a boyfriend?

So I decided to do something. The upcoming big event is Valentine’s Day. So I decided to make a Valentine’s Day card for me and give to him on Sunday ( the day we went to support our friends in diving pool session ). It was a last minute thing as I thought maybe I’ll let him know how I feel. I decided to be vulnerable and open my heart. I thought maybe he also misunderstand what was happening and thought I do not love him or trying to break up with him. I wanted to know why he was pushing me away, distancing himself from me.

It was a beautiful unique card.

I made it at 4am Sunday morning. I have never made such a valentine’s card before ever. I used a piece of transparency and took out colourful permanent marker inkset. I started the card by Thanking him for his love and I felt when he was with me and how it made me feel when he held me. I drew in details all the gifts ( big and small that he has given me ) he gave me that were so meaningful in the past. They meant much to me and precious to me as it came from his heart. Plus he did alot of things for me that made me feel so special, so happy.

I even cut little pieces of heart and flowers in crepe papers to paste on the transparency. It was really a card made from my heart. I decided to do this as I have a hunch that he probably won’t meet me alone on any other day.

Plus I even gave him a valentine’s day gift : his website. www.3chapters.com
He told me he wanted to have his own website to showcase his portfolio for wedding photos. We talked about his company name and website name alot previously and only not long ago, he found a name he liked. I bought the website and setup for him. Then installed the gallery program for me and customised to www.3chapers.com/zp with his recent photos.

So later morning on Sunday, I joined all of my friends including him at a dim sum restaurant. Just to re-track a bit, the day before on Sat, we had a friends gathering of high tea which he did not ask if I am going prior. In the end, I decided not to go and did inform the organiser directly. But he never even drop me an text to ask if I am coming or ask why I did not come. He only text me in the morning to say he just finished private coaching ( which before this text I do not even know he started private coaching on Sat morning ). Do you think that sound like a boyfriend? First 4 months he would never have done that.

While we are at the pool waiting for our friends, he seemed to be normal. He always appear very happy and super helpful around our friends. I can still feel that he cared for me… or rather I think. Then he had to leave for coaching in the afternoon. So I quickly grabbed my card ( placed in a normal simple brown envelope that has his name on it ) and gave to him. His immediate reaction was to push it back to me. He said he don’t want. He don’t even know what it is and he said don’t want.

I was shocked. That was something I did not expect. But I insisted and shoved it into his hands. He had no choice and he took it.

Then he did not contact me at all the entire day. Zilch. Not even a text.

When he rejected the envelope, I was kinda expecting he probably won’t text me. Why? I have no idea. Maybe he threw the envelope away? Maybe he did not open the envelope to read what is inside? Maybe, maybe maybe…. No thank you, no nothing.

On Monday morning which was yesterday, still no response. Then I went out with a very good friend of mine. After talking to my good friend and sharing with her what happened, she made me I realize so many things. It was comforting to have someone to confide to.

Anyway, after the talk, it was time to make a last attempt. I called him in the evening. I asked him if he wanted to come to my house for a home cooked Valentine’s Day dinner with me alone. I told him that it will mean so much and make me happy that he can spend some time alone with me, especially it’s valentine’s day.

He said no, he can’t as he says he already told my friend that he is going jogging with them.

…..

I kept quiet. Then he tried to change the subject by asking me about the friend’s pool session, ask me about my work and he talked about his certification. Pause.

I repeated again what I said. And he said we can go jogging tomorrow.

Then I told him we really have not been spending time alone and I feel so disconnected to him. I asked him what he can suggest to do about it and I kept quiet.

Then he said his dad calling him now and he will call me back.

I half suspect that he will not call me back. He is avoiding and backing up again.

After one hour later, I called him on his handphone again. He did not pick up his phone.

I waited another 15minutes and I called his house phone. He finally picked up.

I calmly asked him if he was asleep already. He said about to… then I said to him : Any normal girl will want her boyfriend to spend Valentine’s Day with her. I feel sad that we don’t get to spend time alone tomorrow and I don’t like this feeling. I asked him again what he suggest we can do? Pause… then I said how about we meet up on Wednesday? He said no. I asked is it because he has appointment ? He said not really but Wed is the night he usually go out to his friend’s house but it’s not fixed. ( I was like…. ) Then I asked him how about Fri? ( Thursday he already has private coaching which I know ).

Then he said we talked about it tomorrow at jogging.

I was like ??????? Why can’t he just confirm a day with me now?

I also asked him, is there something I did to cause this? He said no.

Then he kept saying we will talk about it during jogging tomorrow.

Evade. Avoid. Reject. This coming from a man who told me just months before how he adored me, how we will never be apart again and he rather die first than to have me die first cos then he will have to live without me. I am so tired and confused. Affairs of the heart are draining when the other person won’t share and work on the relationship.

What a valentine’s day….

Now it has become some sort of a little journal for me, writing down the nuances of life and experiences I have had. Yikes… now it is already halfway through January and I am still feeling stuck in 2011. I really hope that the Chinese New Year which is in another few days time will put me in gear for a new me.

Changes are inevitable. Look back, just not so long ago, I never knew or even imagined myself stopping yoga. Yoga was something wonderful that happened to me that gave me so much strength, peace, health and hope. It opened my eyes to many things and allowed me to meet so many people in my life.

Yoga is not only just a physical exercise that we do to strengthen our bodies but also a way of life that we can live. Yoga is about yin & yangs. Yoga is always strength & flexibility, grace & power. Yoga shows us the power within us that we probably will not have known.

Sad to say, I have stopped yoga almost completely. I think it is high time I get back into yoga. With running, hiking, swimming & diving all in the works, I hope this will be a fantastic year for me to keep fit & healthy both mentally & physically. Time to dig out my yoga books!

As far as relationship goes, I am confused & sad. And now we just go out once a week for dinner without even holding hands. He even forgotten my birthday. He asked me way in advance for dinner on Friday because he thought it was my birthday. Now that it’s not, he is going cycling with his colleagues ( whom he sees everyday ). What’s worst is that my best friend asked me to go to her house for chinese new year celebration with him on the following saturday as they have not met him before, he hemmed & hawed & says he’ll see. He has no plans yet obviously as it is still 2 weeks away when I asked him. It is lunchtime on the same day where our other common group of friends are having a birthday dinner celebration for all the January birthday babies. So I really don’t understand why is he doing this? Why is he missing all the occasions that I wanted him to come with me? I thought he was the one but now I am not so sure. I feel now like his ordinary friend. help!

WHAM BAM! Answers everywhere!

The best one was from this website which says that

“In the first few months of a new romance, your brain and that of your love interest release a euphoric chemical cocktail that makes you both feel invincible. The term “madly in love” isn’t far off – the brains of people newly in love look just like the brains of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Which is partially why you’re so obsessed with each other.”

BINGO!

“One of the chemicals of your Brain Love Cocktail is called Dopamine, and its effects are much like an opiate – you know, like HEROIN. You feel so alive, and so exuberant, and so HIGH, that you truly don’t need to eat or sleep. It’s absolute bliss. It’s like having chocolate, and margaritas, and shortbread cookies, all at once. Not only that, but your man becomes hormonally just like you.

Suddenly, all he wants to do is talk about his feelings, and connect emotionally, and snuggle with you all the time.”

So true! And as a woman, who wouldn’t feel blissfully happy? This is probably the honeymoon period.

“This combination of factors (not to mention the fact that you’re both on your “best behavior” for a while, always dressing just right, and being extra polite to each other) makes you feel so good together. It’s like living in heaven right here on earth. You’re just sure you’ll feel this way for forever.

But then a little something happens at about the four to six month point. The dopamine stops being released in both of your brains and suddenly the man becomes hormonally like, well… a man!”

Anyway, truth be told, I finally made the call to confront him which he keeps avoiding ( trying to talk to him when he is watching tv is well… frustrating ). I tried my best to let him know that I was feeling upset about him getting distance. Then he got defensive and said I am accusing him.

Haiz, yup, men aren’t wired to see things from women’s perspective. Women keep wanting to connect emotionally which causes men to feel suffocated – this is what I gathered from all the information from the web. Which is why men get withdrawn and freaked out when women try to share their feelings.

Well, according to a article

“… when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is. And therefore they can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.”

And yes, he told me nothing changed. He said he did not change at all.

Finally according to him, he wants his freedom to do things on his own. ( which maybe I really freaked him out by sharing my feelings and hurts )

From what I see, from the beginning until now, 95% of the time, he initiated the going out, dinners etc with me. The only few time I asked him to go out was one with our group of friends for a dinner, 2 family dinners ( recently, of which he has to overtime and did not turn up ) and once to go with me to Sim Lim to buy stuff ( which he says he do not want – recently )

So how is it that I am the one restricting his freedom? All the while, he still goes for his outings with friends to drink wine, look at audio equipment, just to mention a few. When did I stop him from hanging out with his friends?

More on the male thinking :
“The truth is that lots of men have no idea how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship…and they honestly don’t have much practice at it either.

So, when a great woman comes along that he could have an amazing time with and get close to And, she starts noticing that he has some emotional shortcomings that he doesn’t have all the answers for, or experience with…Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way), she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.”

Hence resulting in the slow death to a relationship…

So what am I to do now?… I really do not know.

Today’s his messages reduced to just an afternoon greeting and whether I had lunch. ( usually there will be a good night )

Well, I read about the honeymoon period of the relationship & I was wondering when mine will end. I think it’s over. It seems to be he is taking me for granted.

Sigh.

Used to be that he will read everything I write on facebook, see all my pictures, like them, comment on them. Now no more… seems like he is looking at others postings more.
Used to be that he will read my blog. Now I am guessing no more… this I will know once this is published.
Used to accompany me for runs, now no more.
Used to go to interesting places with me & bringing his camera along to take photos. Now no more.
Used to go do romantic stuff like watching stars, picnic, go eat durians. Now no more. Now, we just go for food & movie….
Used to call me almost every night on the phone. But now it has reduced to just whatapps…. urgh. At least he still whatapps me everyday.

We had a chalet on Christmas day and I borrowed his sleeping bag. Ok right? But no, he told me that I had better to fold back the sleeping bag neatly back. I was pissed. Then I asked him to bring the bag back. And yet he did not seem to get that I was upset with him. It’s bugging me.

Then during Christmas, at his friend’s party, I had to go home early due to work appointment. He sent me to the train and went back to continue party until late. It used to be he will send me all the way home. Then the next day, he did not even tell me what happened the night before.

Just happened he even forgotten that he said to go Sentosa on the 31st Dec but ended up he went and organise a dinner with friends instead ( without even asking me first ). ( Perhaps he was sick a few days before & sick people tend to forget things? hmmm… that’s what women do huh? find excuses for men…) Plus it was the eve of the new year and I spent the countdown alone at home even though I had a boyfriend.

Now quite a few times, I do feel that he no longer missed me as much (he used to want to spend all the time with me) & sometimes he probably isn’t listening to what I am saying. Anyway, during courtship, I was priority… now it’s “priority with terms & conditions” … What’s worst is that now I felt that he puts his friends above me. I don’t know if it’s true but that’s how I felt.

I even posted something on his facebook wall ( a message for the new year ) which he deleted away…and did not tell me about it.

Is my expectation too high?

Or is this normal male behaviour?

Yesterday we went out for dinner. There was this famous beancurd dessert at this place but always long queue. I mentioned that I can try it… then he said “you want you go and queue yourself” ( he had tried it before )….I was really upset. Then I said “then nevermind, then I don’t want to eat.” He sensed I was unhappy and he went to queue to buy.

Then today sat is usually the day we go out. I asked him to go buy something with me. But he said he is meeting his friend and not going out with me. Then I text him about my feelings. No response from him at all. I had to ask if he cant be bothered anymore. Then finally he text to ask why I am so upset. Then I explained to him, to which he just said dun be upset and he was helping friend to move things. Then later on at night, he just text me a message that he is home. That’s all he text me after he knew I was upset. I don’t even get a call any more?

Just feeling so disappointed and upset.

It’s been a while – say 1 month? With things happening on the work front & on the running, yoga has been pushed behind. I am still attempting to do my headstand & handstand on a daily basis but sad to say, I have not been very consistent.

Last month October was a rush. Time went by in a flash – was preparing to go on vacation with my good gal pal to Hanoi & Sapa. Plus with the new relationship status, I have been spending alot of couple time, hanging around each other etc.

And then also training for my marathon – Mizuno Run 10km as well as Newton Run 18km. YES! Me running more than 10km… Imagine that! Several years back, seriously I won’t even consider it. I remembered my very first 10km run with a yoga buddy of mine, Dorothy. We went to run without any training and we ended up getting more than we bargained for – a week of leg pain! And we swore we will never run 10km ever again… well that was then!

Luckily both of us never gave up. It was a funny thing. There was a period of time after our first attempt to run when we sort of lost contact with each other ( that is not hanging out together ). Then this year, strangely we met again at a recent women’s run Great Eastern 10km Run 2010.

Life is really full of unexpected surprises! When I reached the finish line, she was just a few minutes ahead of me!

Aha! Found another buddy to run!

Anyway, we just completed an amazing 18km run at East Coast Park. The weird part was that I was in Vietnam for 8 days prior and I did not do much training except for a weak 6 rounds (2.4km only) in stadium 6 days before the actual day. I think I came in slightly below three hours… 2hrs 59mins! Thanks to my dear for encouraging me all the way… he was with me at all the hydration points – he probably can finish much faster but because he had to wait for me at those points he also ended up slow.

Ok, now is going for the main event, event of the year!!! – 21km Standard Chartered Half Marathon

What’s so good about this event? Well, we get to run through to the Universal Studios at Sentosa! Amazing!

Yoga? Well in fact, I am trying to fit in some yoga poses after my training runs. Research time!

For running or those starting out, please be patient! With consistent training, anyone can run a marathon. The starting point is always the hardest… picking up your butt from the couch and hitting the track – that is the obstacle to overcome! Start small, even if for 10mins. Start running consistently every alternate day or whenever possible. Soon you will be addicted to running when you see physical as well as mental changes in yourself. But remember to always warmup before each run and to warm down and do stretches after each run ( bathe cold water after a long run is good to prevent major muscle aches ) and HYDRATE!

Namaste!

Last year I did the 5km Shape run without training much. This year I finally set myself up to consistently run every week leading up to the runs I have signed up for. This year I signed up for Great Eastern Ladies Run 10km, Shape Run 5km and finally just joined the Standard Chartered Marathon 21km.

Running was never a favourite activity for me. Hated the dreaded 2.4km in school. Every time I ran, it was pure torture… counting every torturous lamp post I passed, trying to motivate myself that the lamp post after the next one, I could stop and walk. First, I was not exactly light in my school days, plus I was not the kind of active kid. I was more of a nerdy bookworm and love all things indoor like arts & crafts. ( I was pretty good at drawing, always the top 2 in arts class – but this was not nurtured by parents as arts and such are usually considered not practical )

However, recently running has become quite a weekly activity that I do to train for the runs. In leading up to the Great Eastern Ladies run, I ran at least 3 times every week. It started slow with just 1-2km around the neighbourhood. Now it has me hooked! Now I run whenever I have time to do so and love running! Sometimes I wondered when can I squeeze in more time to run!

Things change. People change.

But do they change for the better?

I did.

Btw, I broke my own running record : 31mins for 5km run!!! Feel quite darn proud of myself I must say!

Namaste!!!

Yup. Notheless, I am trying to get back into practicing by starting 1-3-5 morning yoga practice of sun salutations plus a mix of yoga asanas as a start to get myself back to consistent practice.

It was not easy… so it shows that I lacked the discipline to practice on my own. But I tried… sometimes just basic sun salutations. At times just do a simple stretch, a simple twist , then perhaps a few handstands. Plus I did do my headstand for as long as I could.

Not very proud of the progress though. But I guess some is better than none. I even woke up early one morning and went for a jog. And the following week another jog. I hoped that I can increase my jogging eventually to at least 3 times a week with 2 sessions of yoga at home ( Ashtanga combi with inversions ). Ambitious? Likely… In fact, even though I stop exercising, I have not gained weight but in fact, lost 2 kgs due to stress at work.

But I think no matter what, I take exercising to be quite an important part of my life that I must work on in order to keep fit and stay healthy!

Wish me luck!

Namaste! ( yes, I still do my anusara chanting at every chance I’ve got! )