Now it has become some sort of a little journal for me, writing down the nuances of life and experiences I have had. Yikes… now it is already halfway through January and I am still feeling stuck in 2011. I really hope that the Chinese New Year which is in another few days time will put me in gear for a new me.

Changes are inevitable. Look back, just not so long ago, I never knew or even imagined myself stopping yoga. Yoga was something wonderful that happened to me that gave me so much strength, peace, health and hope. It opened my eyes to many things and allowed me to meet so many people in my life.

Yoga is not only just a physical exercise that we do to strengthen our bodies but also a way of life that we can live. Yoga is about yin & yangs. Yoga is always strength & flexibility, grace & power. Yoga shows us the power within us that we probably will not have known.

Sad to say, I have stopped yoga almost completely. I think it is high time I get back into yoga. With running, hiking, swimming & diving all in the works, I hope this will be a fantastic year for me to keep fit & healthy both mentally & physically. Time to dig out my yoga books!

As far as relationship goes, I am confused & sad. And now we just go out once a week for dinner without even holding hands. He even forgotten my birthday. He asked me way in advance for dinner on Friday because he thought it was my birthday. Now that it’s not, he is going cycling with his colleagues ( whom he sees everyday ). What’s worst is that my best friend asked me to go to her house for chinese new year celebration with him on the following saturday as they have not met him before, he hemmed & hawed & says he’ll see. He has no plans yet obviously as it is still 2 weeks away when I asked him. It is lunchtime on the same day where our other common group of friends are having a birthday dinner celebration for all the January birthday babies. So I really don’t understand why is he doing this? Why is he missing all the occasions that I wanted him to come with me? I thought he was the one but now I am not so sure. I feel now like his ordinary friend. help!

WHAM BAM! Answers everywhere!

The best one was from this website which says that

“In the first few months of a new romance, your brain and that of your love interest release a euphoric chemical cocktail that makes you both feel invincible. The term “madly in love” isn’t far off – the brains of people newly in love look just like the brains of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Which is partially why you’re so obsessed with each other.”

BINGO!

“One of the chemicals of your Brain Love Cocktail is called Dopamine, and its effects are much like an opiate – you know, like HEROIN. You feel so alive, and so exuberant, and so HIGH, that you truly don’t need to eat or sleep. It’s absolute bliss. It’s like having chocolate, and margaritas, and shortbread cookies, all at once. Not only that, but your man becomes hormonally just like you.

Suddenly, all he wants to do is talk about his feelings, and connect emotionally, and snuggle with you all the time.”

So true! And as a woman, who wouldn’t feel blissfully happy? This is probably the honeymoon period.

“This combination of factors (not to mention the fact that you’re both on your “best behavior” for a while, always dressing just right, and being extra polite to each other) makes you feel so good together. It’s like living in heaven right here on earth. You’re just sure you’ll feel this way for forever.

But then a little something happens at about the four to six month point. The dopamine stops being released in both of your brains and suddenly the man becomes hormonally like, well… a man!”

Anyway, truth be told, I finally made the call to confront him which he keeps avoiding ( trying to talk to him when he is watching tv is well… frustrating ). I tried my best to let him know that I was feeling upset about him getting distance. Then he got defensive and said I am accusing him.

Haiz, yup, men aren’t wired to see things from women’s perspective. Women keep wanting to connect emotionally which causes men to feel suffocated – this is what I gathered from all the information from the web. Which is why men get withdrawn and freaked out when women try to share their feelings.

Well, according to a article

“… when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is. And therefore they can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.”

And yes, he told me nothing changed. He said he did not change at all.

Finally according to him, he wants his freedom to do things on his own. ( which maybe I really freaked him out by sharing my feelings and hurts )

From what I see, from the beginning until now, 95% of the time, he initiated the going out, dinners etc with me. The only few time I asked him to go out was one with our group of friends for a dinner, 2 family dinners ( recently, of which he has to overtime and did not turn up ) and once to go with me to Sim Lim to buy stuff ( which he says he do not want – recently )

So how is it that I am the one restricting his freedom? All the while, he still goes for his outings with friends to drink wine, look at audio equipment, just to mention a few. When did I stop him from hanging out with his friends?

More on the male thinking :
“The truth is that lots of men have no idea how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship…and they honestly don’t have much practice at it either.

So, when a great woman comes along that he could have an amazing time with and get close to And, she starts noticing that he has some emotional shortcomings that he doesn’t have all the answers for, or experience with…Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way), she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.”

Hence resulting in the slow death to a relationship…

So what am I to do now?… I really do not know.

Today’s his messages reduced to just an afternoon greeting and whether I had lunch. ( usually there will be a good night )

Well, I read about the honeymoon period of the relationship & I was wondering when mine will end. I think it’s over. It seems to be he is taking me for granted.

Sigh.

Used to be that he will read everything I write on facebook, see all my pictures, like them, comment on them. Now no more… seems like he is looking at others postings more.
Used to be that he will read my blog. Now I am guessing no more… this I will know once this is published.
Used to accompany me for runs, now no more.
Used to go to interesting places with me & bringing his camera along to take photos. Now no more.
Used to go do romantic stuff like watching stars, picnic, go eat durians. Now no more. Now, we just go for food & movie….
Used to call me almost every night on the phone. But now it has reduced to just whatapps…. urgh. At least he still whatapps me everyday.

We had a chalet on Christmas day and I borrowed his sleeping bag. Ok right? But no, he told me that I had better to fold back the sleeping bag neatly back. I was pissed. Then I asked him to bring the bag back. And yet he did not seem to get that I was upset with him. It’s bugging me.

Then during Christmas, at his friend’s party, I had to go home early due to work appointment. He sent me to the train and went back to continue party until late. It used to be he will send me all the way home. Then the next day, he did not even tell me what happened the night before.

Just happened he even forgotten that he said to go Sentosa on the 31st Dec but ended up he went and organise a dinner with friends instead ( without even asking me first ). ( Perhaps he was sick a few days before & sick people tend to forget things? hmmm… that’s what women do huh? find excuses for men…) Plus it was the eve of the new year and I spent the countdown alone at home even though I had a boyfriend.

Now quite a few times, I do feel that he no longer missed me as much (he used to want to spend all the time with me) & sometimes he probably isn’t listening to what I am saying. Anyway, during courtship, I was priority… now it’s “priority with terms & conditions” … What’s worst is that now I felt that he puts his friends above me. I don’t know if it’s true but that’s how I felt.

I even posted something on his facebook wall ( a message for the new year ) which he deleted away…and did not tell me about it.

Is my expectation too high?

Or is this normal male behaviour?

Yesterday we went out for dinner. There was this famous beancurd dessert at this place but always long queue. I mentioned that I can try it… then he said “you want you go and queue yourself” ( he had tried it before )….I was really upset. Then I said “then nevermind, then I don’t want to eat.” He sensed I was unhappy and he went to queue to buy.

Then today sat is usually the day we go out. I asked him to go buy something with me. But he said he is meeting his friend and not going out with me. Then I text him about my feelings. No response from him at all. I had to ask if he cant be bothered anymore. Then finally he text to ask why I am so upset. Then I explained to him, to which he just said dun be upset and he was helping friend to move things. Then later on at night, he just text me a message that he is home. That’s all he text me after he knew I was upset. I don’t even get a call any more?

Just feeling so disappointed and upset.

I wonder why we always overeat when we are overseas. Perhaps it is really the only time when we have a legit excuse ( or is there such a thing as a legit excuse? ) to binge out and be happy and absolutely guilt-free…. while at least until we come back home. That’s what I always say… ” Eat first… later go back then we exercise!”

When you touch down to home, the guilt slowly sets in… at first you get excited about the gifts you got for everyone. Then you get almost deliriously happy over the great bargains you snagged at the local markets ( scheming & plotting ways to gain the upper hand in the bargain battle )… and then wham!

You look in the mirror. Bam!

Yup, looks like some “extra” gifts followed me back on my body…. time for weight loss action!

Now that I am back, I have reverted back to my more vegetables & less meat diet a.k.a. healthy diet ( does not help when you have to attend gatherings with friends at restaurants/BBQ though… ) Plus I will try to avoid any sweet stuff, even not taking sugar with coffee. And of course, try to do more yoga!

My #1 way is to eat my healthy Vegetable soup for most of my meals. Not only is it nutritional but it is oil free!

Yummy Vegetable Soup
=================
Soup base like chicken cube or fish cube ( personally I use Red Miso Paste & japanese fish soup base )
Carrots
White carrots
Celery
Onion
Potato
Corn
In fact, any vegetables! Bean sprouts, spinach, any leafy greens…

Boil water. Cube the root vegetables. Add soup base into boiling water. Add in all the hardy root vegetables like carrots, potato, corn, onion etc. I’ll add the celery in at this point probably at the point when the carrot just about become tender cos I like them soft. Leave the leafy green vegetables later. Boil & simmer until the vegetables is tender. Then add in the leafy vegetables to cook and then serve.

Add the following for a more hearty soup :
Tofu
Mushrooms
Dumplings
Udon

You can add a bit of healthy olive oil or seasame seed oil just before serving. ( oils are important in our diet too! )

It’s been a while – say 1 month? With things happening on the work front & on the running, yoga has been pushed behind. I am still attempting to do my headstand & handstand on a daily basis but sad to say, I have not been very consistent.

Last month October was a rush. Time went by in a flash – was preparing to go on vacation with my good gal pal to Hanoi & Sapa. Plus with the new relationship status, I have been spending alot of couple time, hanging around each other etc.

And then also training for my marathon – Mizuno Run 10km as well as Newton Run 18km. YES! Me running more than 10km… Imagine that! Several years back, seriously I won’t even consider it. I remembered my very first 10km run with a yoga buddy of mine, Dorothy. We went to run without any training and we ended up getting more than we bargained for – a week of leg pain! And we swore we will never run 10km ever again… well that was then!

Luckily both of us never gave up. It was a funny thing. There was a period of time after our first attempt to run when we sort of lost contact with each other ( that is not hanging out together ). Then this year, strangely we met again at a recent women’s run Great Eastern 10km Run 2010.

Life is really full of unexpected surprises! When I reached the finish line, she was just a few minutes ahead of me!

Aha! Found another buddy to run!

Anyway, we just completed an amazing 18km run at East Coast Park. The weird part was that I was in Vietnam for 8 days prior and I did not do much training except for a weak 6 rounds (2.4km only) in stadium 6 days before the actual day. I think I came in slightly below three hours… 2hrs 59mins! Thanks to my dear for encouraging me all the way… he was with me at all the hydration points – he probably can finish much faster but because he had to wait for me at those points he also ended up slow.

Ok, now is going for the main event, event of the year!!! – 21km Standard Chartered Half Marathon

What’s so good about this event? Well, we get to run through to the Universal Studios at Sentosa! Amazing!

Yoga? Well in fact, I am trying to fit in some yoga poses after my training runs. Research time!

For running or those starting out, please be patient! With consistent training, anyone can run a marathon. The starting point is always the hardest… picking up your butt from the couch and hitting the track – that is the obstacle to overcome! Start small, even if for 10mins. Start running consistently every alternate day or whenever possible. Soon you will be addicted to running when you see physical as well as mental changes in yourself. But remember to always warmup before each run and to warm down and do stretches after each run ( bathe cold water after a long run is good to prevent major muscle aches ) and HYDRATE!

Namaste!

Love.

I don’t know much about love. Since young, I only read about love from those teenage love books, Mills & Boons… and then to watching feel good romance movies from Dirty Dancing ( watched a grand total of 4-5 times I think ), Reality Bites, Titanic etc then to the current popular HK/Japanese/Korean romance serials. My absolute favorites are Long Vacation ( Japanese ) & Secret Garden ( Korean ).

Come to think of it, I gave up on watching too mushy romantic serials or listening to love songs a few years ago – I guessed simply, to me they are all distractions and will only make you have unrealistic expectations of love in real life.

Plus I am not getting younger and I often wondered if my time has passed? Being alone is not really bad, I supposed. You have absolute freedom to do whatever you like, go wherever you wanna go. I was not sure but I know I am not one to get hitched for the sake of getting hitched. EEEK! Imagine getting married to someone who you have no feelings for, not attracted to and you have to face him for the rest of your life? I have also have heard of stories about marriages gone wrong! With the husband becoming abusive or has strayed. My worst nightmare! Then I am very sure I rather be single and happy.

And yet there are times, when I do feel envious of couples – they have each other to run to when they face problems, when they want a hug, when they want to someone to snuggle with, they can build their own home. But then again there are occasions when your married friends or couple friends have problems with their married life that you are thankful that you do not have and relish the fact that you are still single.

He found me in this case (in a song he dedicated to me, his heart found me… mushy but hey I love it…;P ). Life is so unpredictable!

As he blushfully admitted, he had a crush on me for quite some time. ME? Hmmm… I am flattered…

( Btw, he’s my no. 1 blog fan… so I am writing this with that in mind… hee hee )

To cut the long long long story, the short gist is that he took massive action ( with major help from me of course ).

And now we are a couple… sweet!

Namaste!

Last year I did the 5km Shape run without training much. This year I finally set myself up to consistently run every week leading up to the runs I have signed up for. This year I signed up for Great Eastern Ladies Run 10km, Shape Run 5km and finally just joined the Standard Chartered Marathon 21km.

Running was never a favourite activity for me. Hated the dreaded 2.4km in school. Every time I ran, it was pure torture… counting every torturous lamp post I passed, trying to motivate myself that the lamp post after the next one, I could stop and walk. First, I was not exactly light in my school days, plus I was not the kind of active kid. I was more of a nerdy bookworm and love all things indoor like arts & crafts. ( I was pretty good at drawing, always the top 2 in arts class – but this was not nurtured by parents as arts and such are usually considered not practical )

However, recently running has become quite a weekly activity that I do to train for the runs. In leading up to the Great Eastern Ladies run, I ran at least 3 times every week. It started slow with just 1-2km around the neighbourhood. Now it has me hooked! Now I run whenever I have time to do so and love running! Sometimes I wondered when can I squeeze in more time to run!

Things change. People change.

But do they change for the better?

I did.

Btw, I broke my own running record : 31mins for 5km run!!! Feel quite darn proud of myself I must say!

Namaste!!!

And it is high time I gotten back into my yoga groove… missing yoga… I love the joyful feeling and peaceful warmth within after every session of yoga…. a serene sense of content and satisfaction. Plus it really gives me a lot of confidence then… now that I have stopped for more than 1 year, I lost the self confidence some what and the strength mentally and physically.

Expect more changes to the blog…. experimenting with this cool theme called Weaver!

Meanwhile, time for some headstand action… ciao!

Hence this year starting with my birthday, we tried to start as early as possible. Meaning to start the outing as early as possible. And we did by starting the day early at one of the few places that offer buffet in the morning – Red Star Restaurant. We figured we’ll have a nice dim sum buffet breakfast and the continue to another location for coffee/tea. So we planned perhaps to eat from 9.30am to perhaps 12pm. But guess what? We ended up hanging around there until 2pm!!! We were pretty impressed with ourselves indeed… *smug*

Then we went for this nice little cafe, Flor at Duxton Hill. It is a japanese confectionery bakery that serve yummy light and yet delicious cakes. We were spoilt for choices and it was really hard to settle for just 4!

Strawberry Soufflé

Mont Blanc

This is my absolute favorite, Waguri Millefeuille, nice flaky puff pastry with a not-so-sweet French chestnut cream – creamy and deli-ccccious:

Waguri Millefeuille

Earl Grey Chocolat

Definitely heading back there for more yummy treats! Now I am aiming for their Tofu Chiffon!

And I am shocked by the number of comments in my blog! Oops… I really did not check back here for the longest time… and even one from someone from the Strait Times… hmmm how did she find me?

I am not in the habit of making new resolutions or such but I do wish to make some public goals so that I am held accountable for them as I work my way towards them. Life really is too short and precious waste!

After some experiences that I encountered and sharing with alot of folks, I really really realised that I am truly blessed – Without A Doubt!

But first I need to clear some backdated comments & much much plugins to update!

Later…;)